The children have an excuse, not the adults

I recently had a conversation with my sister-in-law about my niece and one of her classmates at her preschool. It appears that there’s a little girl who likes to point out to my niece that her hair is longer than my nieces (btw - my niece has some of the most beautiful - and long - hair I have ever seen on a little girl). Apparently this taunting has caused my niece to speak of the situation with her mom on more than one occasion after coming home from school.

My sister had gently tried to explain to her 4-year old daughter that her hair was in fact long, but because of the braids she wore in her hair it was not as easy to see how long it was.

It seems that when Pajama Day came at school my niece was able to settle the score in some way. Apparently the little girl with the long hair didn’t have nice new pajamas like my niece wore. She came home excited about this fact – she had now found a spot where she could one-up “little Ms. Long hair.” She may have had the longer hair, but my niece had the newer (translation “better”) pajamas.

Of course, this was a story we shared about two little 4-year olds that was really nothing more than an anecdote, just a funny story – but it did get me to thinking.

The first point was how early in life we start comparing ourselves to others and competing. Imagine little kids needing to find ways to point out why “I’m better than you.” The other point I thought about was how much this still goes on even with adults. Think about how many people buy cars, clothes, homes, and degrees not for the satisfaction they bring, but to prove that they are better than the next. It has become a never ending cycle of craziness that causes people to constantly seek the next newest thing in order to feel worthy.

It’s almost something we can understand in children and shrug it off as just ‘kids being kids’. They, after all, haven’t yet learned about the value in their uniqueness. They haven’t learned that they don’t need to compete or compare themselves with the people around them in order to feel valuable in this world. They don’t know that it is not those exterior things that makes them valuable, but rather who you are on the inside.

I wonder do we, the adults, really recognize how childish it is to constantly compare ourselves to others, silently judging ourselves better or worse than the next and then acting accordingly. I think it represents a person’s insecurity when they need to reduce another person in their own mind in order to make themselves feel better. These are the same people you see ‘sucking up’ to those people who they feel are on a higher level they perceive themselves to and acting ‘stuck up’ to those they put beneath them.

What would life be like if we could let go of that 4-year old inside of us that always needs to put people above or beneath us?

I am confident that my niece, her little friend at school, and all the other 4-year olds will one day grow out of this phase of life. I just hope that all of us adults who surround them have the wherewithal to do the same.

REAL GIFTS

Are you the type of person who loves to give? Do you relish at the thought of lavishing someone with some unexpected gift or gesture which shows love with no thought for what, when, how, or even if it will come back to you? Can it be a stranger that you give to? What about someone who you know won't be giving you a gift in return? What if no one but God knows or sees what you gave? Those who answer no to any or all of these questions may just be manipulators masquerading as a givers.

Gifts are free; they should always be given with an open heart, minus any strings. Too many give gifts with secret thoughts of what they will one day receive in return. These are the people who will give to you (things, opportunities, kindness, etc.) only to hold you hostage with their expectation of what is to come in the future (usually the near future). These are the “you owe me one” people who are always looking for a “favor” to be returned somewhere down the road. My question has always been: If you keep track of what you give and have expectations after you have given it, can it really be considered a gift?

Some pretend to give, when they are really just experts in the art of manipulation. A true gift comes with no strings or expectations and it doesn’t wonder what it will one day receive in return…oh how I wish there were more true gift givers in the world!

All good things...

Today he still knows my name, but it’s possible that tomorrow he won’t. We’re already to the point where our conversations no longer make sense. I don’t want to upset him, so I act normal when he tells me that the president is coming at 2 o’clock; And when he says he’s going to buy a new house for his mother to live in, I act as if I don’t know that she’s been dead since before I was even born.

It is an aggressive form of Alzheimer’s that is rapidly taking my grandfather away from me. This once tough and tall man, who ran his own construction company for as far back as I can remember is being carried away in his mind to a place that I can no longer reach. Other than the fact that he sits these days much more than he stands, on the outside he still looks the same, but inside is a totally different story. While I’m thankful to still have him here, in many ways I feel as if he has already left.

“All good things must come to an end” was what he said to me when I saw him last. And, he’s right; everything that is good does one day come to an end. And now the signs are there that one of the truly good things in my life is slowly slipping way. New people may enter, people who inspire me, who may even become my new representation of strength and constant support, but no one will ever replace him.

And so granddaddy was right…’all good things do come to an end’...I just wish this were turning out to be a much happier one.

Sports & Competition

I didn’t take up sports until I was well into my adult life. I discovered Tennis at the ripe old age of 27 and ever since the sport has been holding me captive. Tennis is one of those games that will train the mind just as well as it trains the body. One of the things the game has helped me understand are the intricacies of this thing called ‘competition’.

We all know that having a ‘competitive spirit’ is critical to becoming successful in any sport. While it is necessary, it can also be a double edged sword. Yes, being competitive and working hard to win is a good thing, but only in the proper context. There is also, undoubtedly, a dark side to competition. What happens when winning becomes the only goal of competition? What happens when we get to the point where we’ll do anything to win, even compromise our integrity?

Yes, winning, especially after a hard fought battle, is exhilarating but aren’t there more things to be gained from competition. For instance, isn’t it just as important to know how to lose? I mean shouldn’t we also want to share that glorious feeling of having the ‘W’ marked by our name or do we just want to hog all the wins for ourselves? And of course I don’t mean that we shouldn’t try to win every time we compete; but what I am saying is that we should still know how to be winners even when we don’t win.

If you have to win all the time to feel like a winner, can you really be considered one?

The Inauguration

Finally, a place to post some of the miscellaneous things that are on my mind. I started this blog to expose myself and my thoughts in a more informal way.

I spend a lot of time without talking but words run through my mind all day। I’ll use this forum to talk about stuff like spirituality, relationships, love, friendship, creativity, and even sports. I’ll even talk about stuff that doesn’t fit into any of these categories.

At times I’ll write with the hope that maybe someone can relate to where I’m coming from। At other time I’ll write just to get things off my chest. I will even write to reinforce within myself all the things I’ve been dreaming in my own mind to one day see.

So fasten your seat belts….here we go!